Lent

I haven't given up anything for lent for years, but I have been feeling lately that I should quiet things down a little and the days before Easter seem like a good time to do that. So I gave up facebook, which I check constantly. It is more of a compulsion for me than anything: I check my e-mail and I check facebook. I am usually only on it for a couple of minutes to read status updates, but whenever I am working on my computer and I get stuck, I immediately go to the site. It has been easier than I thought to give it up. It is fun to see what everyone is doing, but I usually know what is going on in the lives of people I am closest to without status updates, and reading a few lines on a profile doesn't really give me enough information to say I am in touch with the rest of my "friends." It is fun, though, and it keeps me connected to a lot of people who are far away geographically, at least to an extent. I am sure I will get back on as soon as lent is over, but it is giving me one less reason to procrastinate on my school work. I have cheated to answer messages!

Brian gave up alcohol for lent. He really should start a whole blog just about that. He has not cheated at all. He never does once he has decided something.

Together, we gave up watching tv except for documentaries. We really get into routines with television. It is how we unwind after a long day of work. We usually watch an episode or two of MASH in bed, too (nothing stresses me out more than war, illness, and doctors, but I am secretly in love with Mike Farrell. We saw him give a talk on social justice at Wright State and he is still awesome). Like alcohol, tv shuts off our minds and helps us relax. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that every once in awhile, but we are not always good at doing things in moderation. It is one thing to watch an episode before bed, but another to get home from work, turn on the tv, and zone out all night.

Friday night was rough, because we usually watch a movie and have a bottle (uh, or bota box) of wine together. We weren't sure what to do, but we ended up having some good conversations and getting a lot done around the house. In fact, we are getting A TON of stuff done around the house. We always said that we were too tired when we got home from work to do projects, but apparently that is not always the case. We are also hanging out with people more.

Of course, we can't be constantly working on projects instead of watching tv. We need to figure out ways to relax together without tuning out. I am looking forward to figuring all of this out together!

Free Bitch: Wonder Woman

Most Sundays for the past few months, our friend Kyle has had some of the women in the neighborhood over to view films directed by women. Free Bitch cinema. Clearly, the final movie of the series was the 2009 animated film Wonder Woman.

There have been some memorable moments: the horror of the woods scene in Wendy and Lucy, the decadence of Marie Antoinette. But there is nothing quite like watching Amazon warrior women saving the world in an FTON basement with some of the most powerful women you know, and a guy who planned free bitch in the first place. Moments like this, and the vagina monologues reading, and our Thursday potlucks, and, and, and, remind me of the best parts of the university life, the parts that are suppose to lead to more compassionate and thoughtful individuals. Just like in college, forming bonds, sharing ideas, and being idealistic together is something we do nearly every day. It is more powerful, though, because we are older and it is not four years, but a life we are building together.

Sometimes I think Franklinton is the only college I have ever attended.

Vaginas and An Old-Fashioned Girl

"It's so much jollier to eat in sisterhood. Let's club together, and have a revel" -An Old-Fashioned Girl (266)

"You'll be shocked at our performances, Miss Shaw, but you can call it a picnic, and never tell what dreadful things you saw us do" -An Old-Fashioned Girl (266)

In Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale (1986), the narrator's husband says that he loves making dinner and that cooking is his hobby. His mother in law responds that countless women have had to die in order for him to be able to say that.

Reflecting on the amazing and spiritual conversations we had at our reading of the Vagina Monologues last week, I wonder how many times women had to meet before we could all talk about our vaginas, or how many times vaginas were discussed and not recorded.

Louisa May Alcott's An Old-Fashioned Girl (1869) discusses a gathering of women that made me think of my friends, mostly because it is a potluck. They are all independent women working together to become "strong-minded, strong-hearted, strong-souled, and strong-bodied" (264). It is a feminist scene in a fairly traditional novel. I always remember that LMA wrote what I consider one of the most horrifyingly true feminist lines of the nineteenth century (in Little Women [1868]when the always-loving Marmee admits to Jo that she has been angry nearly every day of her life).

"We'll show you the sunny side of poverty and work, and that is a useful lesson for anyone...," answered Polly, hoping that Fan would learn how much the poor can teach the rich, and what helpful friends girls may be to one another" (271)

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a ridiculous corporate holiday. Believe me, I use to work for Hallmark. That being said, it can also be a reminder to tell people that you love them. Since most of my posts are agonizing over FTON stuff, I thought it would be a good time to talk about one of the most important reasons why we are here: our amazing friends. So because I am usually better at writing than talking...

Ashley- I love that you cycle with the chickens and throw your whole heart into everything you do. I love how passionately you care for your friends/family and how you still think of your patients when you get off of work. I love how you love women.

Brian-I love how excited you are about your job and how you are always planning for the worker's revolt. I love how well you understand me and that our future kid's first words are probably going to be "fucking republicans." And a lot more. You know.

Dave- I love how much you think about things and how generous you are with your house and time. I don't love it when you leave without saying goodbye, but I do love how smoothly you appear and reappear at 123. You might be a superhero.

Greg- I love how modestly good you are at so many things, especially music. I love that you always seem so calm (not that you have to be!) and how great you are interacting with kids.

Hannah- I love how much you do for other people. I love your tattoos and how you don't take shit from anyone but love everyone so much. I love how you can say no when you need to. I love how you love women.

J. Meier-I love how you give everything you have away. I love that you always seem to know the right prayer or protest song or your mom joke. I love how you are going to be the only one who survives the zombie apocalypse because you are so handy.

Jed- I love how you always include people in conversations and remember little details about everyone. I love how much you care about the kids in FTON and how you keep Bri in line.

JY- This is dorky, but I love how organized you are about FCW, especially your super detailed e-mails. I love how honest and analytical you are, and how many times you have watched the Harry Potter movies.

Karen- I love how kind you are and how much time you spend cooking delicious and healthy potluck meals for everyone! I love that you guys have decided to make the drive to FTON and be a part of the community.

Kelly- I love how deeply you care about everything and everyone. I love how strongly you feel things and how you always get the job done. I love how you understand. I love how you love women.

Nathan-Ditto on the drive thing-it may seem like a short drive to FTON but it is a long culture shift, if that makes sense. I also love your awesome dance moves!

Patience- I love how you send people postcards and how you love Walt and Emma G. I love how you are better at reading poetry out loud than any of my English teachers and how passionate you are. I love how you love women.

Rachel- I love how your house is an extension of you and that you bring color and happiness to FTON and your friends. I also love your awesome dance moves! I love how you love women.

Ryder-I love how you built a house for Thoreau. I love how well you get along with everyone and still hang out with your friends outside of FTON. I love how much you love candy and Kelly, not in that order.

So mushy but true! Even though I don't say it enough, I love you all and am so lucky to call you my friends/family. Framily.

White

Apparently having a dissertation draft due makes me want to blog more.

The first grader I tutor is possibly the smartest kid in FTON. Her family is from Tanzania. Both her older siblings are in college and her mother checks in on her at school all of the time. Even though they are Muslim and don't celebrate Christmas, they get me a vanilla scented holiday candle every year. I wonder how they feel about the neighborhood.

Today, we were picking flashcard words and trying to make sentences out of them. Since it has been snowing all day, I put down, "Today is full of white ---." "How do you think I am going to finish the sentence?" I asked. She looked around her inquisitively and said, "Today is full of white children?"

Warm

It is winter and cold. We try to keep the heat pretty low, to save resources and in solidarity with our neighbors who can't afford their gas bills or are on the street. Honestly, we feel guilty heating an entire house for two people.

Sometimes I get really cold and annoyed and turn up the heat.

Sometimes I get really cold and annoyed and think about Thoreau, who said that the rich aren't just warm, they're unnaturally hot. And I keep the heat down.

Today, I came into my office and found Asher shivering in front of the turned-off space heater I use when I am working at home.

We aren't planning to have kids any time very soon, but it is probably our next big step and we spend a lot of time thinking about and researching things before they actually happen. When I saw Asher staring up at me reproachfully with her big, crazy dog eyes I felt horrible. I realized that when we have kids, we are going to have to make our house warmer.

Why does Asher deserve to be warmer than the street cats, that I also name and worry about? She doesn't, and I don't deserve to be warmer than Ed or Bill or anyone on the street. But she is MY dog and I love her and I want her to be safe and sheltered.

What else will have to change?

19th Century Community Fail: Fruitlands

"We are all a little wild here with numerous projects of social reform. Not a reading man but has a draft of a new community in his waistcoat pocket." -Emerson, (1840)

Brian is fond of saying that no community ever really fails, because any amount of time living your ideals is a success no matter how long it lasts. That being said, if a community could fail, it would be Fruitlands, the current topic of my dissertation.

Fruitlands was started by Charles Lane and Bronson Alcott, who is now better known as the father of Louisa May. Like most Utopian communities of this time, they strove to blend manual and intellectual labor in order to become increasingly spiritual individuals. The cards were stacked against Fruitlands from the beginning. They planted too late and were overwhelmed with entertaining visitors eager to see the experiment but not work for it. The somewhat eccentric thirteen members of the community included a nudist and formerly institutionalized philosopher, who were more interested in talking than weeding. To top it off, Lane and Alcott decided to go on a lecture tour right before harvest, leaving Abba Alcott (his wife) and the future stars of Little Women (all under thirteen at the time) to do all the work.

The main reason the experiment failed, though, is the struggle over the definition of family. Lane argued for a consociate family of all people. Abba constantly maintained her preference for her biological family, recognizing the importance of a larger connection between people but fighting for the well being of her children above all else. Lane maintained that spiritual perfection couldn't be reached until the Alcott family dissolved their personal ties and committed to the larger community. When they ultimately refused, he left for the Shakers, an enormously successful community that rejected marriage and raised adopted children communally. (I would argue their success came more from their work ethic and ability to charge a lot for their furniture rather than their celibate lifestyle, but anyway...Apparently no marriages and few kids=money)

The struggle to balance the needs of your nuclear family with your commitment to the larger community is something I am sure we will struggle with, especially when we have children. Right now, the only way I could ever see us leaving Franklinton is if we felt it was seriously injuring our children in some way, although I'm not sure what that would look like. Abba left Fruitlands when the children were faced with starvation, but I am sure our experiences won't be as cut and dry. At the same time, there are many children we care about in the community who don't have the option to leave and why should our kids be any different? Shouldn't we continuing working to improve the community for all of the children?

Of course, a lot of our friends are successfully raising amazing kids in the neighborhood and this is not something we really have to worry about yet. So now I am going to enjoy the sunshine, avoid grading for awhile, and spend more time with the Alcotts. They are fun to hang out with. Tonight, "The Waste-Land" at the Wex and an Old Hundred show. My real friends are fun to hang out with, too.