"lumbering our minds with literature..."

"Somewhere between prayer and revolution....:"

"This is what we were all doing, lumbering our minds with literature that only served to cloud the really vital situation spread before our eyes...I am simply smothered and sickened with advantages. It is like eating a sweet dessert the first thing in the morning. This, then, was the difficulty, this sweet dessert in the morning and the assumption that the sheltered, educated girl has nothing to do with the bitter poverty and the social maladjustment which is all around her, and which, after all, cannot be concealed, for it breaks through poetry and literature in a burning tide which overwhelms her." -Jane Addams, Twenty Years at Hull-House







Thursday, April 14, 2011

Paranoia, Paranoia (nobody is coming to get me)

I am grading papers in my office. Somebody knocks on the door. I am immediately annoyed because it is probably our neighbor asking for money. I know she will not give me a hard time when I say no, but I don't go to the door. I don't want to talk to her. I am more annoyed because I want to go make cookies for our potluck when I am done grading, but now I feel like I need to hide in my office because she will keep knocking. Sometimes she will knock for twenty minutes. I know she won't give me a hard time, but I don't want to go to the door. My phone rings. It is Ryder. He is at the door, dropping something off. We talk for a couple of minutes about our upcoming potluck. I finish grading. I go downstairs to make no-bake cookies. We are out of sugar. I am annoyed again. Like always, I want to have the whole day scheduled and I was going to make cookies after I finished grading. I remember that I gave the same neighbor who asks for money some sugar awhile ago. So basically, it is her fault that I don't have sugar. Giving things away sucks because then you don't have them when YOU need them. I am really annoyed. I remember that I was just at Krogers on Monday. I could have gotten sugar. It would not have made a drop of difference in our financial situation and would not have taken any of my time. I have the car today. I think of driving to Krogers now. NO, I think. It is nice out and UDF has sugar. I live in Franklinton. Most of my neighbors don't have cars. I will walk to UDF. I am immediately on the defense. My shirt is too tight. I put on a baggy sweater. If a man in a nice car slows down next to me, I will flick him off. I will yell "Fuck You. Get out of my neighborhood." I will scream. I start walking. I walk down Dakota. There is a man ahead waving at me and he doesn't have a beard. I am immediately suspicous. It is Nate, Patience's roommate/ Allie's boyfriend/ local rockstar. We talk for a couple of minutes and I keep walking. I make it to UDF. The sugar they have is processed and expensive. I am annoyed again that there are no local grocery stores that carry wholesome products. Because I walked, I feel behind my self-imposed schedule. I walk home. Everyone is outside. Everyone seems like they are in a good mood. I say hi to an older woman reading on her porch. I pass the Kaufman's house, Dave's house, the Bowman's house, the home of two girl scouts, a community garden, and Gladden. A kid at Gladden stops and gives me a hug. The sun is shining. I get home. I am a little sweaty from wearing the unnecessary sweater, but that is all. The flowers are blooming around our house.

1 comment:

  1. this is sort of funny, because it is our lives.

    ReplyDelete