"lumbering our minds with literature..."

"Somewhere between prayer and revolution....:"

"This is what we were all doing, lumbering our minds with literature that only served to cloud the really vital situation spread before our eyes...I am simply smothered and sickened with advantages. It is like eating a sweet dessert the first thing in the morning. This, then, was the difficulty, this sweet dessert in the morning and the assumption that the sheltered, educated girl has nothing to do with the bitter poverty and the social maladjustment which is all around her, and which, after all, cannot be concealed, for it breaks through poetry and literature in a burning tide which overwhelms her." -Jane Addams, Twenty Years at Hull-House







Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Love Song for Jane Addams


And then there was the night
the city barn burnt down,
charred horses screaming
who couldn't be shot without official permission
and no one could get the officials
out of bed.

So they called you. Never mind
the prostitutes, illegitimate babies,
kindergartens and reading clubs.

It was the way you stood there
stone-faced, all chi rho cross and conscience
until the final silence came. Your knowledge
of what it took to end
the suffering.

When you said
we never tire of doing
what we know is right
I know you meant it.

But when you get this next gift
please keep it for yourself.

Friday, August 5, 2011

No Solutions

I haven't posted in awhile, but I somehow always want to blog when I am supposed to be actually writing my dissertation. I wrote a pretty big section today, though, so I think I will take a break!

When we were driving home on Tuesday, we saw a middle-aged man in a nice car who obviously was looking for a prostitute. He pulled over on Martin, right next to Sullivant, and without thinking I pulled over right behind him. He swerved out and kept driving, but by the time we circled around he had a woman in his car. So we followed him back to Bellows until he finally pulled over to let us pass. We looked him in the eye as we drove by. He was laughing. I couldn't see the expression on the woman's face.

I am not sure what we were trying to accomplish by following him. I didn't want him to get out of the car and talk to us. I really didn't want to start a fight and I knew he was still going to pick up a sex worker that afternoon whether we followed him or not. I guess we wanted him to know that someone was watching him and maybe make him a little nervous. I don't know why he was laughing, but I can't stop thinking about it.

We just finished a powerful conflict resolution class taught by our friend Kyle. A lot of it took place in the spring when I was too emotionally drained to attend a lot of the classes. I wish I made it to more. The conversations I remember most are the ones we had about sex work in our community. I feel so violent just thinking about the abuses to women in our neighborhood that it is hard to imagine a peaceful solution. Or any solution at all.

On a happier note, the goats seem to be doing well! We are getting them fixed up in the backyard. This weekend we need to fence off our house because they love nibbling on the shingles! When Jane Addams first became socially conscious she got a herd of sheep hoping to become more connected to the land. Unfortunately, she didn't know anything about sheet and they all got hoof rot. I am trying to make sure that that doesn't happen! I still have a lot of reading to do, but I have at least figured out how to trim their hooves. De-worming them has been more of a challenge, but it has been a good experience so far!

Monday, July 4, 2011

America, it's hard to get your attention politely



"Patriotics" is my favorite fourth of July poem, and possibly my favorite poem about America. Dr. Baker was my senior writing project director at Denison and is an inspiring teacher and writer. His class on Whitman and Dickinson is one of the major reasons I decided to study nineteenth century American lit. He taught all of us many meaningful lessons, but unfortunately the only two things I can remember him saying are:

1. Emily Dickinson makes Sylvia Plath look like a Disney character.

2. Gin and tonics are great summer drinks.

He took my writing group out for a drink right before graduation and ordered a gin and tonic, and for the entire first year of my M.A program I ordered gin and tonics when the students went out (which wasn't very often). I thought they were really gross, but they seemed literary to me after Dr. Baker ordered one. I figured it was either that or straight vodka like Esther orders at the beginning of The Bell Jar. Oh 22 year old Heather, so much to learn.

Now I am old and I love gin and tonics, and I still love this poem. I usually teach it at the beginning of my American lit classes to begin a discussion about American culture. Students usually read it as a pretty straightforward critique of America: the war mongering, the class discrepancies, the innocent victims of capitalism and personal violence.

Then we talk about the last line and I ask for the two possible meanings of the word "agape." It can mean "with the mouth wide open as in surprise or wonder" or it can mean the highest form of spiritual love, the love of Christ or the unselfish love of people towards each other. That usually makes the conversation more complicated.

Like my relationship with America. But I will let Dr. Baker explain.

Patriotics by David Baker

Yesterday, a little girl got slapped to death by her daddy,
out of work, alcoholic, and estranged two towns down river.
America, it's hard to get your attention politely.
America, the beautiful night is about to blow up

and the cop who brought the man down with a shot to the chops
is shaking hands, dribbling chaw across his sweaty shirt,
and pointing cars across the courthouse grass to park.
It's the Big One one more time, July the 4th,

our country's perfect holiday, so direct a metaphor for war,
we shoot off bombs, launch rockets from Drano cans,
spray the streets and neighbors' yards with the machine-gun crack
of fireworks, with rebel yells and beer. In short, we celebrate.

It's hard to believe. But so help the soul of Thomas Paine,
the entire county must be here---the acned faces of neglect,
the halter-tops and ties, the bellies, badges, beehives,
jacked-up cowboy boots, yes, the back-up singers of democracy

all gathered to brighten in unambiguous delight
when we attack the calm and pointless sky. With terrifying vigor
the whistle-stop across the river will lob its smaller arsenal
halfway back again. Some may be moved to tears.

We'll clean up fast, drive home slow, and tomorrow
get back to work, those of us with jobs, convicting the others
in the back rooms of our courts and malls--yet what
will be left of that one poor child, veteran of no war

but her family's own? The comfort of a welfare plot,
a stalk of wilting prayers? Our fathers' dreams come true as
nightmare.
So the first bomb blasts and echoes through the streets and shrubs:
red, white, and blue sparks shower down, a plague

of patriotic bugs. Our thousand eyeballs burn aglow like punks.
America, I'd swear I don't believe in you, but here I am,
and here you are, and here we stand again, agape.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Swallowed and digested

"Years ago I was much entertained by a story told at the Chicago Woman's Club by one of its ablest members in the discussion following a paper of mine on 'The Outgrowths of Toynbee Hall.' She said that when she was a little girl playing in her mother's garden, she one day discovered a small toad who seemed to her very forlorn and lonely, although she did not in the least know how to comfort him, she reluctantly left him to his fate; later in the day, quite at the other end of the garden, she found a large toad, also apparently without family and friends. With a heart full of tender sympathy, she took a stick and by exercising infinite patience and some skill, she finally pushed the little toad through the entire length of the garden into the company of the big toad, when, to her inexpressible horror and surprise, the big toad opened his mouth and swallowed the little one. The moral of the tale was clear applied to people who lived 'where they did not naturally belong,' although I protested that was exactly what we wanted-to be swallowed and digested, to disappear into the bulk of the people." -Jane Addams, Twenty Years at Hull-House

Sometimes it seems like Franklinton is swallowing us whole this summer. People are shooting each other. Families are screaming in the streets. Chickens are pecking each other to death. It has been a rough couple of weeks.

I am reading about Jane Addams for the chapter I am working on now. It takes me a long time because I can identify so much with her, a privileged women who loved literature and culture but felt drawn to a life in the slums. A lot of scholars suggest that too close of an identification with your subject leads to bad analysis. I'm sure a lot of scholars would also suggest that constantly stopping your work because kids are knocking on your door leads to bad analysis, too, so I try not to think too much about it.

Here is to disappearing into the bulk of the people!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Community Blog


Here is our community blog for anyone who is interested!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

When they ask you what you're thinking of...



Today Brian and I have been married for six years. To celebrate, we took a trip to Amish country. We talked a lot, ate a lot of wine and cheese, and listened to the Avett Brothers.

For just one chance to find
Love was someone that you loved to find
For just the sense to try
To walk ahead and leave the pain behind
If the days aren’t easy and the nights are rough
When they ask you what you’re thinking of
Say love, say for me love
Say love, say for me love

Your heart says not again
What kind of mess have you got me in
But when the feelings there
It can lift you up and take you anywhere
But the gravel beneath you and the limbs above
If anybody asks you where you're coming from
Say love, say for me love
Say love, say for me love

Say yes we live uncertainty
And disappointments have to be
And everyday we might be facing more
And yes we live in desperate times
With fading words and shaking rhymes
There’s only one thing here worth hoping for
With Lucifer beneath you and God above
If either one of them asks you what you're living of
Say love, say for me love



Thursday, April 14, 2011

Paranoia, Paranoia (nobody is coming to get me)

I am grading papers in my office. Somebody knocks on the door. I am immediately annoyed because it is probably our neighbor asking for money. I know she will not give me a hard time when I say no, but I don't go to the door. I don't want to talk to her. I am more annoyed because I want to go make cookies for our potluck when I am done grading, but now I feel like I need to hide in my office because she will keep knocking. Sometimes she will knock for twenty minutes. I know she won't give me a hard time, but I don't want to go to the door. My phone rings. It is Ryder. He is at the door, dropping something off. We talk for a couple of minutes about our upcoming potluck. I finish grading. I go downstairs to make no-bake cookies. We are out of sugar. I am annoyed again. Like always, I want to have the whole day scheduled and I was going to make cookies after I finished grading. I remember that I gave the same neighbor who asks for money some sugar awhile ago. So basically, it is her fault that I don't have sugar. Giving things away sucks because then you don't have them when YOU need them. I am really annoyed. I remember that I was just at Krogers on Monday. I could have gotten sugar. It would not have made a drop of difference in our financial situation and would not have taken any of my time. I have the car today. I think of driving to Krogers now. NO, I think. It is nice out and UDF has sugar. I live in Franklinton. Most of my neighbors don't have cars. I will walk to UDF. I am immediately on the defense. My shirt is too tight. I put on a baggy sweater. If a man in a nice car slows down next to me, I will flick him off. I will yell "Fuck You. Get out of my neighborhood." I will scream. I start walking. I walk down Dakota. There is a man ahead waving at me and he doesn't have a beard. I am immediately suspicous. It is Nate, Patience's roommate/ Allie's boyfriend/ local rockstar. We talk for a couple of minutes and I keep walking. I make it to UDF. The sugar they have is processed and expensive. I am annoyed again that there are no local grocery stores that carry wholesome products. Because I walked, I feel behind my self-imposed schedule. I walk home. Everyone is outside. Everyone seems like they are in a good mood. I say hi to an older woman reading on her porch. I pass the Kaufman's house, Dave's house, the Bowman's house, the home of two girl scouts, a community garden, and Gladden. A kid at Gladden stops and gives me a hug. The sun is shining. I get home. I am a little sweaty from wearing the unnecessary sweater, but that is all. The flowers are blooming around our house.